Getting There
by 20BlueRoses
Summary: If things can't get worse, they must get better. And so, despite a terrifying sequence of events, two of the marauders manage to extend their friendship into something special. Five parter.
1. Curiosity killed the dog

**This is the first part of four. The rating is a cautious one, but just a warning to say the story does contain violence and an eventual relationship between two boys, so if it's not your thing turn away now.**

**I would love a few reviews :)**

**1.**

Sirius held a shaking hand to his head. When he drew it away his fingers were bloody. He thought of how stupid he had been to get himself caught, how damn idiotic to suppose he could eavesdrop unnoticed without so much as bringing his wand. It had been too hard to resist though, a chance to spy, find out for himself what the so-called Lord was up to rather than hearing second hand through newspapers and whispered conversations between professors. He had heard a few things, mutters of Mudbloods and murders, before a cold and gravely voice had announced there was an unwanted presence and the door shot open, crashing into his head. He had been grabbed by his own father and thrown into the room. Sirius stumbled onto the floor but defiantly looked up and into the face of Voldemort, scaly, pale and glaring at him.

"This is your brat is it? The filthy blood traitor?"

"It is, my Lord," Sirius heard his father say. "He is a disgrace I assure you, but I had assumed he would have the decency to stay away from us at such an important time."

"Then you were wrong. We have no room for assumptions within our rank."

"I'm ever so sorry, my Lord. It won't happen again."

Despite the sinking feeling within Sirius' stomach, he was amused to hear the desperation within his father's voice.

"And how can I be so sure?" Voldemort continued.

"Name your price."

"The boy. Let us teach him a lesson – call it entertainment if you like." He jabbed his wand in the direction of Sirius' father. "You first."

Sirius climbed to his feet to meet his father's gaze. They were obviously family from their identical colouring, height and build, but as Sirius started angrily at his father he thought how completely foreign the man was to him.

"Go on, _Daddy_. Teach me how to behave."

"I've been gentle to you all these years," he replied.

Sirius thought momentarily about broken fingers, bruised ribs and bleeding skin. He remembered being starved for days and the hours he'd spent unconscious on his bedroom floor. Then he heard a screamed curse and his limbs were on fire. He didn't remember falling but now he was writhing on the floor, shouting in pain and he realised his father was right. Until now he'd had it easy. The other injuries were just a warning. His muscles must be tearing apart, he thought, and this headache would surely blind him soon. Then all of a sudden he found he was able to lie still and although his body ached it wasn't the excruciating pain of before.

He lay panting on the ground and although his brain was pleading for rest he forced himself into a sitting position. He realised his mother had pushed her way through the crowd to stand by the front alongside his cousin. They were both laughing along with the others.

"You didn't like that much did you, boy?"

Sirius glared at Voldemort but didn't reply.

"Answer me!"

"Why?"

And then he was blasted with another dose of the curse. He hadn't thought it possible, but this time the pain was worse, electric shocks shooting throughout his body making him lose control and thrash about on the floor. He felt distant shame at the cries he was making but it was impossible to bare the pain silently. He couldn't breathe, he wondered if his ribs were shattering and his brain exploding. When the curse was lifted this time he remained lying shakily on the floor.

"That's what happens to vile, disgusting blood traitors," a voice said, and Sirius recognised it to be his mother's. "I bet you regret not reconsidering now."

"No, never," Sirius whispered, thankful that his reply was lost among the jeers and laughter of the crowd. He thought urgently of his wand, trying to summon it from where it lay on his bedside table.

"Stand."

Sirius weakly lifted his head, but before he had time to attempt sitting his father's hand grabbed his hair and pulled him up. He struggled to find his footing and when on his feet prayed that he would remain upright.

"What did you overhear?"

"Nothing."

"Liar!"

Sirius felt Voldemort's spit hit his face, but he dared not wipe it away.

"Shall we have some little games with the liar?"

The crowd cheered, twisted faces looking thrilled at the prospect.

Terrified of being hit again by the cruciatus, Sirius threw a glance towards the door and saw an only half obstructed escape route. He made up his mind in less than a second and ran towards the exit, pushing past cloaked men and women. He was almost there when a curse knocked him off his feet and left his back stinging and raw. He scrambled to his feet again, and pushing off with his hands, headed towards the stairs. He was halfway up the staircase when he heard a familiar angry roar and was flattened by the weight of a man throwing himself on top of him. As they tumbled down the stairs together Sirius felt his arm break and let out another cry.

He landed on top of his father and trapped the man under his own weight. Without a wand for defence he opted for the only alternative and, with his good arm, punched his father in the face. An unknown Death Eater grabbed his arms, holding them tightly behind his body as he pulled him off his father. He struggled, sending shooting pains down his broken arm, but the wizard who held him was a large man and easily capable of restraining him.

As all the Death Eaters dispersed into the hallway the man behind Sirius spoke.

"I've got him, Orion. Time to get your own back."

"As you wish," Sirius' father said, stepping nearer.

He punched Sirius in the stomach three times and with each strike Sirius doubled over, feeling his father's rings leaving familiar indents in his skin. When he had a moment to breathe he spat blood on the floor, pleased that the crimson stain was spreading on an expensive rug.

Sirius looked at his father and mustered the smirk that was famous throughout Hogwarts. "I thought you'd learnt that trying to beat my opinions out of me doesn't work."

His father laughed. "Oh that's not why I'm beating you."

Sirius was hit twice in the face leaving him with a bleeding lip and sore eye, then Voldemort held out a hand to stop his father.

"Enough. We can't have our fun if he's unconscious."

Sirius struggled again, but the man still held him tightly.

"I'm not scared of you."

"You're scared of my curses," Voldemort said. "You're scared of the pain, aren't you? What kind of Gryffindor runs away from battles?"

"He doesn't fit anywhere," another voice said. "A pathetic Gryffindor, a weak fighter, even his own family don't want him."

Sirius looked again at his father and at the excited faces of his mother and cousins within the crows. "They're not _my_ family."

"Ungrateful bastard," his mother called. "Let him have it."

"I have a better idea," Voldemort said. "Let him fight. Just the two of us."

"I- I don't have a wand."

Voldemort cackled.

When Sirius was released from the man's tight grasp his knees buckled and he fell to the floor. He felt Voldemort towering over him, and shakily climbed to his feet. Before Voldemort had a chance to cast a spell, Sirius shoved him fiercely and ran down the hallway, this time aiming not for his room and his wand but for the front door.

"Fleeing baby."

"Disgrace to such a noble family."

"Weakling."

"Blood traitor."

As he ran through the crowd, Sirius tried to ignore the comments, instead only listening for spells aimed in his direction. He ducked a green jet of light but was hit by a curse that sent him flying into the wall. He staggered up and continued, gaze focused on the approaching door. Another two spells just missed him but then he felt a sharp pain slice through his side and looked down to see blood seeping through his t-shirt. He clasped his stomach and with his other hand opened the front door. He tripped down the steps, grazing both knees on concrete, but didn't stop, knowing that once he'd outran the protective enchantments around the house he would be in public view and that Voldemort would be too cautious to try anything.

He made it a few streets away from his house before stopping. Trying to catch his breath felt like daggers were stabbing his chest, so he stumbled weakly through park gates and collapsed against a tree in the early evening shadows.

Now there was time to feel the pain he realised how much of a mess his body was in. His wrist and stomach both throbbed with pain that he was used to experiencing, but his body still ached from the torture and the blood from his side was flowing freely.

He worried briefly about getting to safety, but before he had much time to mull over possibilities a looming darkness overtook him.


	2. And here's a skeleton

**Thanks for the review, especially such a nice one. I would love a few more but I'm not going to beg; the story is finished so will be posted regardless, but y'know, it's nice to hear what people think.**

**Hope you enjoy...**

**2.**

As soon as Remus had seen James' head appear in his fireplace and heard the panic within his voice he had been unable to stop picturing potential scenarios.

Aside from whispered healing spells on their return to Hogwarts and frantic reassurances just before they left, the boys never voiced their concerns for Sirius any more. As certain as they were about what happened in the holidays they were just as aware that Sirius would refuse to go into any more detail than calling his parents vicious names and declaring his hate for them.

Instead they communicated with expressions. James smiled and Sirius knew he was welcome at his. Peter's eyes grew wide and he left his curtain open, just in case Sirius wanted to talk. Remus crept into Sirius' bed late at night with no words, but Sirius knew he wasn't alone and would return the favour next full moon. And Sirius was comfortable showing his injuries, letting the others know that he trusted each of them impeccably.

The other perfected silent messages were between James and Remus. A raised eyebrow to query whether he was hurting. A chewed lip suggesting it was worse this time. And now, as they sat side by side in the Potter mansion, Remus could feel James' eyes upon him. For once he refused to meet his friends gaze, afraid that the fear in James' face would cause him to reveal how scared he was too.

It was hard for Remus to convince himself it could be nothing; that the attack on muggle-borns being near Sirius' house was a coincidence and that he was simply too busy to answer James' call on the two way mirror. It was hard because the image of Sirius with a split lip, broken fingers and bruised ribs kept swimming before his eyes, and because James was breathing loudly and shakily and James wasn't the type who worried. It was hard because Harold Potter, usually the rational presence against his son's outlandish declarations, actually agreed to go out and search for Sirius. And it was hard because all he and James could do was wait.

The silence was broken by a crash from above and a shout for help. Remus sprinted up the stairs after James and entered the room in time to see Harold and Jemima Potter lowering an unconscious and bloody Sirius onto the bed. Remus grabbed James' arm to prevent him running to Sirius and getting in the way.

"He was in a park near his house. Was talking for a bit, but passed out as soon as we apparated."

"Where's all the blood from?" Jemima muttered as she whipped out her wand to rid Sirius of his stained shirt.

Remus gasped as he saw the large chunk of skin missing from Sirius' side and tightened his grasp on James.

"Will he be okay?" James asked.

When no answer came Remus' stomach churned. He pulled James closer and felt his friend shivering against his side. They watched as James' parents systematically treated Sirius, knitting his skin back together, lightening bruises and frowning when the standard healing spells refused to work. Similar to his werewolf wounds, Remus knew it was only dark magic that refused to mend. Anger flushed through him. He was sure his nails must be digging painfully into James' bare arm, but neither of them moved to acknowledge it.

When the adults finished as much of their task as they could manage they silently conjured two chairs beside the bed. Remus allowed James to guide him over and his legs gave way as he sank onto the seat.

"Keep quiet," Jemima said. "Be gentle with him when he wakes."

They did as instructed, staring at Sirius while he slept. Remus' gaze moved from the new, raw skin on Sirius' bloody side to his face, where long eyelashes settled on skin tainted by the ghost of a bruise. He looked peaceful lying there, in stark contrast to the state of his body.

Remus had watched Sirius sleep before, of course; on the occasions where one of them had slipped under the other's duvet, either seeking comfort or looking to give it. He knew Sirius did the same as often he woke in the hospital wing to find his friend's eyes upon him. It was unusual, he supposed, for two friends to feel so relaxed gazing at each other. Perhaps it was the similarities between them that made it feel so natural. They weren't obvious similarities like between Sirius and James, but they were there none the less. Secrets hidden beneath a sturdy mask. A desire to be accepted.

Remus reached out instinctively towards the bed and entwined his fingers with Sirius', their sweaty palms touching.

James looked at him strangely. "What are you doing?" he said, breaking the silence for the first time.

Remus almost pulled away at James' comment, but fought the instinct. "So he knows he's not alone."

He waited for James to mock him, but no further questions were directed his way. A couple of minutes later Remus realised Sirius' fingers were squirming beneath his own. He loosened his hold and turned eagerly to face Sirius. Noticing the movement, James did the same, leaning forward in his chair.

Sirius blinked at them several times before murmuring through barely parted lips. "Prongs, your hair's a mess."

"Well I was worried, wasn't I? Besides, would you like me to find you a mirror?"

"That bad?" He croaked.

Just as James cheekily replied with a yes, Remus said no. He felt his cheeks go red as his friends both stared at him.

"I was trying to be nice."

"Thanks, Moony," Sirius replied with a faint grin.

"Any time." Remus hoped neither of them noticed how sincere he sounded. "How are you feeling?"

Sirius looked down at his cut and bruised chest and bandaged arm. "Better now."

"It was bad this time."

"Nothing I can't handle."

Remus looked at James, who was biting his lip and for once short of words. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Sirius wince, and turned back to his friend, grabbing his hand again.

"Sirius, we were scared. They could have killed you."

James made a choking noise. "No, they wouldn't, Moony. Don't be soft."

Remus didn't think James sounded so sure and was about to tell him as much when he saw that his eyes had clouded over and he was refusing to look at either of them. He knew that while he wouldn't be able to bear losing any of the marauders, James and Sirius were practically brothers, that neither would be able to cope if anything happened to the other.

"I'm fine," Sirius said. He experimentally poked his side and cried out.

"I'm getting Mum."

Once James had left the room, Sirius finally acknowledged Remus' hand in his own and gave it a quick squeeze. "You don't need to worry about me, Moony."

"You worry about _me_."

"I don't like seeing you hurt."

"Yeah, well. Same."

"I deserve it though."

Remus didn't have time to reply as James burst back into the room with his parents following, but he felt a cold chill run down his spine. Sirius was watching him, eyes the most alert they'd been since he'd come round, and Remus knew it was a signal to ask him not to repeat what he'd just said.

James' parents fussed round Sirius, asking him what hurt and apologising for the injuries they were unable to mend. When Sirius had refused to tell them what happened, Remus was surprised that they didn't push it, instead announcing it was time for all of them to get some rest. James had insisted they were all sleeping together, and so the two of them had climbed into the double bed either side of Sirius, lying closely together with the quilt tossed across their hips.

Remus heard James' familiar snore, and raised his head slightly to see his friend fast asleep with one arm around Sirius' waist. He couldn't help but feel jealous that it was James who was in the prime position to comfort Sirius, but was then flooded with guilt for thinking such thoughts. He reminded himself that someone being there for his friend was more important than the identity of that person. But then Sirius wriggled, managing to roll onto his side to face Remus without waking James.

"I can't sleep, Moony."

"Are you trying?"

"I don't want to shut my eyes."

Remus put a hand on his friend's cheek, and gently traced his bruised eye and split lip. "They hurt you really badly, didn't they?"

Sirius stared at him and slowly opened his mouth. For a moment Remus thought he was about to open up, for once let someone in.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay," Remus said, disappointed. "Sorry."

"There's too many bad things out there."

"I know."

Sirius moved closer to him, so James' arm fell limply onto the mattress. Sirius bowed his head and as he spoke into Remus' chest his hot breath tickled him.

"You shouldn't know. There are bad things out there and you're too nice to witness them." Sirius sniffed. "If there was one thing I would wish for, it's so you never got bit that day and you never had to find out about dark magic the way you did."

Remus tried to stop himself shaking. He wondered why Sirius was telling him this. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate the thought, but despite whatever would Sirius wished, his condition could never be erased. He hesitantly put his arms around Sirius and repeated his own words back at him. "It's nothing I can't handle."

Sirius grunted in response. "You're comfy."


	3. Ten galleons for your thoughts

**Again thanks for the review. I would love a few more if I'm honest, even just telling me how I can improve. But good news for those who _are_ enjoying the story - I was editing the final chapter and accidentally wrote an extra one, so it's now five parts long. Also, apologies for the incredibly lame prank in this. Proof I'm a good girl really ;)**

**3.**

By the time their first month back at Hogwarts had passed the only evidence an outsider would find of Sirius' ordeal was the deep red scar running down his side.

For the marauders, however, things were different. Although he had decided not to bring the topic up, Sirius was far from oblivious to the way the boys were treating him. Even Peter, who had been told about the events first by owl and secondly by James when they thought Sirius had been asleep, was watching him every night. Remus and James reactions were worse. Often Sirius would wake with Remus in his bed and while it wasn't uncommon for them to share, he didn't like the way he couldn't remember when he joined him and what had been happening at the time. James looked startled whenever Sirius laughed at Snivellus' greasy locks and had taken to asking if he was sure whenever he suggested a prank

It was almost as if they expected him to let the attack change him, but Sirius was determined to do the exact opposite. Besides, he couldn't help the nightmares. The climax of the dreams was always the cruciatus curse, but the person casting it changed. Sometimes it was Voldemort, cackling just as he had done, with his wand held high and snakelike face bearing down. Other times the holder of the wand was various family members, his father or his mother, Bellatrix or even Regulus; his brother tarnished by the dark mark and empty eyes. The nightmares were worse when it was one of his friends torturing him, telling him they'd realised their mistake in being his friend, that he was a Black and therefore unavoidably evil. He wasn't sure if he screamed in his sleep as had done in reality, but the only saviour of his dreams was that once he awoke the pain of the curse had gone. After the attack his body was bathed in agony for days.

Sirius knew Remus suffered from nightmares too. That, alongside the monthly routine, had been one of the major giveaways of them discovering his condition back in first year. He had been embarrassed about the night time disturbances, the suggestion he wasn't always able to overcome the wolf, and they had all assured him the dreams were not a weakness. However, now Sirius was experiencing something similar he could tell where Remus had been coming from. From Remus' presence in his bed he knew that at least one of his friends was aware of his nightmares, and he guessed the others did too. Despite this he had no intention of talking about them, just as he had no intention of talking about the attack. For one, his friends didn't need to know that Voldemort was just as scary, if not more, than the rumours told. Also, he hated the notion of his friends feeling sorry for him and had enough sense to know that getting tortured by your own father would evoke such feelings.

He tried to convince himself that, like the rest of Gryffindor, the three boys knew nothing of the summer's events, so threw himself into all of his favourite activities within the castle. While watching James play Quidditch, beating Peter at Chess and distracting Remus by leaping on him all ranked highly, it was unthinkable to let a week go by without pranking some Slytherins.

So with the help of the other marauders he managed to device a plan. As it was their sixth year of Snivellus watching, they were all well aware he was one of the first Slytherins to rise in the mornings, and had usually left the breakfast table before the four of them even arrived. He always sat at the end of the table nearest the professors, which was handy as right above the few seats he chose from was a crevice big enough to store a few litres of _Barnaby's Finest Sticking Goo._

They had crept down the night before to place the goo, and of course made the effort to get up early for once, wanting to see their handiwork take place. All it took was for Sirius to flick his wand and mutter a quiet incantation and the goo fell, covering Snape and a dozen other students in the luminescent green mixture.

Sirius, knowing he and James would be the first suspects regardless, had no qualms about calling over to the Slytherins.

"Don't worry. You slimy bastards needed a wash anyway."

"You're dead, Black," one replied.

"You wish." Sirius turned back to his friends, but noticing Peter and James staring over his shoulder, he turned. Regulus was striding towards them, having presumably witnessed the prank.

"Leave my friends alone."

Sirius stood. "Or what?"

"Or I'll make you."

"Been taking lessons from Daddy?"

"That'd scare you if I had," Regulus said, raising his voice.

Sirius faltered slightly, knowing that one thing they both shared in common was the lack of nerves regarding public confrontations.

"I wouldn't be scared of a Slytherin. You're all talk, _Reggie_, always have been."

"Opposed to a brave Gryffindor like you? Oh wait, who was it screaming over summer, running away, too afraid to fight their own battles?"

Sirius felt Remus stand up beside him.

"Let's go." Remus said.

Sirius hated the idea of leaving rather than beating his little brother in a verbal brawl, but he was running out of things to say, so let Remus lead him away with the others following. Just as he was vowing to get revenge he heard Regulus again.

"Just so you know, you've been disowned. Mother burnt your name of the tapestry; we had some wine and a bit of a celebration. You're on your own now."

Sirius tensed, but didn't look round as he marched out the hall. He felt his temper building as they made their way to the dormitory and it took all of his strength not to lash out before they got there.

Once inside, Remus put an arm around him, but he shook it away and kicked the wall. "Fuck."

"It's okay," Peter said. "You didn't like them anyway."

"Fuck." He repeated, unable to verbalise his thoughts.

"They're bastards, Padfoot. Especially after this summer."

Sirius heard James and knew that he, as well as Peter to an extent, was right. However, in spite of how much he talked about hating his family, there was always a tiny part of him that would have loved their approval.

"I want to hurt them."

"Sirius, don't."

"No, why can't I?" He shouted at Remus. "They're dark wizards, Moony, and they _hurt_ me. They deserve whatever they get."

Sirius turned away, furious that tears that were stinging his eyes. He felt a hand on his back and knew it was Remus. Though Remus was the one person he rarely let himself shout at, he pushed the boy away.

"Fuck off."

"Let me help."

"You can't _help. _I'm alone now, that's what Regulus said, and I'm sure you all think I deserve it."

"We don't." It was James this time. "You're my brother."

"Didn't you hear? I don't have a brother."

Sirius glared at James as his eyes darkened. He walked away and Sirius thought he'd pushed him too far, until James diverted away from the door and sat down on his bed. Sirius stared at him but his friend refused to meet his eyes. He looked to Peter instead but, ever faithful to James, he walked over and perched next to him.

With the last bit of hope he glanced at Remus and was surprised to see the boy was still watching him, looking concerned rather than angry. Sirius thought his brain was about to explode with too many thoughts and so called out the only word he could think of.

"Sorry!" It came out much louder than expected, and as they all stared at him he crumpled. Remus was the first by his side and Sirius let him gather him in his arms and rub his back as he sobbed.

He was embarrassed by the noises he was making, the shuddering gulps as he tried to control himself, but he pushed himself further into Remus' hold and hoped desperately that James didn't hate him.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"It's okay, it's okay."

Sirius buried his head into Remus' chest. "They used the fucking cruciatus."

* * *

><p>That night, rather than waiting for him to fall asleep, Remus had insisted on accompanying Sirius straight to bed. Sirius waited for James to mock them but nothing came. Instead, he made the joke himself, saying Remus must find him irresistible. No-one laughed.<p>

Although it was likely James and Peter would sleep through their conversation, Sirius welcomed the silencing charm Remus cast. They lay awkwardly on their backs for a moment before speaking.

"You don't have to be here, you know," he said, trying to smile.

"I want to be."

"I don't deserve you."

Sirius jumped as Remus leant over him and placed a hand on each shoulder.

"Don't ever say that."

"It's true though, isn't it?"

Remus lay back down. "If anything it's me who doesn't deserve you, any of you."

"That's crap."

"Well, I am a-"

"If you're about to say werewolf then I'll…" Sirius said, struggling to think how to end the sentence. "Look, aside from the pain it puts you through, none of us care about the wolf. It's the boy we're friends with. It's you we love."

Sirius noticed Remus blush, then felt his own cheeks burn as he realised what he said. "I just mean that you deserve to have an amazing life."

Remus laughed. "Why, Padfoot, I never realised how cheesy you can be."

"Shut up." Sirius turned onto his side, facing Remus. "I'm making up for earlier."

"Oh, well if that's the case I'll have some chocolate and a large glass of butterbeer."

"On the house," Sirius said, climbing out of bed and about the grab James' invisibility cloak without a second thought.

"I was joking. Come back you idiot."

Sirius hesitantly sat back down. "I can, you know, get you some chocolate."

"Another time."

Sirius lay back down, and they both fidgeted so they were looking at each other and their feet were entwined. It occurred to Sirius how weird it was that they were sixteen, two boys, and still sharing a bed as they did when they were eleven. He wondered if it mattered, then decided he didn't care either way. Even if it was weird it was worth it to have Remus to talk to and the firm angles of his body to reassure him if he woke uneasy in the night.

Despite his earlier words Sirius knew he loved James like a brother, and even though he would be less inclined to admit it, he loved Peter too. However he couldn't imagine them creeping into his bed at night, nor Remus into theirs. James was able to reassure him through laughter, through letting him know that his surname would never be an issue between them, but Remus made him feel better about himself; like his family were wrong about the things they called him. Similarly to James' talent at flying, and his own at pranks, and Peter's at something or other, this was Remus'. His talent was at making people feel better, and so Sirius smiled at him.

"What?"

"Nothing. I just like having you in my bed."

Remus blushed. "I'm not that easy to seduce."

Sirius felt blood rush to his head. "I meant, I meant that, you know…"

"I know. I was kidding."

Sirius breathed a deep sigh of relief. As he watched Remus laughing he finally felt warm inside again and before he could quell the thought he wondered if he couldn't seduce Remus through flattery just how he could complete the task.


	4. Completing the task

**Thanks again for the review :)**

**Okay, so I'm a bit nervous about posting this part. Mainly because I haven't posted anything like this before but also because as I'm not getting many reviews I'm not sure how well it'll be received. But, as I've said before, the story is complete so I may as well post it.**

**Let me know what you think.**

**4.**

It had taken some time but Remus finally believed Sirius was retuning to normal. Well, as normal as the boy could get. Remus still made it his task to hold Sirius while he dreamed, but the nightmares were becoming less frequent, and they were beginning to spend more nights apart than they were together.

Curiously, the mornings they woke in their own beds led to the days where Sirius was the most affectionate. Ever since first year when the three of them had taught Sirius that giving hugs was actually quite normal, he'd been open to physical contact, often slinging an arm around whichever boy he was sat next to, or leaping on one of them when he wanted their attention.

These actions were especially prominent leading up to the full moon, though Remus was grateful that the leaping was replaced with leaning. He'd lost track of the amount of times Sirius had pulled him onto one of the common room sofas, arranging them so Remus' back was against Sirius' chest, and Sirius' arms were around his waist.

He often wondered whether Sirius noticed the amount of strange looks were directed at them, but supposed that would only spur Sirius on. Remus, however, wasn't a fan of controversy, but whenever he was comfy and pressed against Sirius he always struggled to conjure the will power to pull away. He hugged James and Peter of course, but had never sat in an embrace with them the way he did with Sirius. It was just a part of the boy's personality, he supposed, and was a welcome contrast to Sirius' rages and mood swings.

Remus had been relieved when nothing had escalated after Sirius' harsh words to James. He thought it was likely that Sirius' break down and the truth over what had happened were largely the reason James that hadn't demanded an apology. Until then it had been a good few years since they had seen Sirius cry and he was sure that seeing him as a sobbing mess on the floor had shook James up as much as it had himself.

He found himself thinking about that day quite often. Just as he struggled to wipe the image of Sirius unconscious in James' father's arms from his mind, he couldn't remove the sound of Sirius crying. He also remembered their chat from that night, lying closely in bed as Sirius told him nice things. Usually he tried to turn his mind to something else, something his mind was meant to think of, but now, needing comfort before the moon was out, he allowed himself to drift back to that place.

He had said that Sirius was unable to seduce him and as it slipped from his tongue he meant it as a joke. But after many replays of the conversation he began to doubt his own statement. The doubt made him worry. Not only was he going crazy overanalysing one tiny sentence he was seriously wondering if a boy was making him feel special in the way that a boy certainly shouldn't. And rather than any boy it was Sirius, his best friend who refused to keep his hands to himself.

On cue, Sirius stuck his head through the portrait.

"Ah, there you are, it's time to go."

When Remus didn't move, Sirius bounded into the deserted common room and sat on Remus, straddling him so they were face to face.

"Prongs and Wormtail are waiting."

"Well I can hardly get up now."

Sirius grabbed his hands, and as he slid of Remus' legs he managed to drag him onto his feet.

"There we go, lazy."

"Not lazy. Tired. Sore."

Sirius planted a kiss on his forehead. "It'll be over soon. Promise"

"Not soon enough," Remus grumbled, trying to ignore that fact that Sirius' lips were just on his head and he could still feel the place where they had been.

"I won't let the wolf hurt you."

"You can't stop it," Remus reminded him bluntly. "The _transformation_ hurts." He looked at Sirius and was surprised at how upset he looked. "You knew that, Pads."

"Doesn't mean I like it."

Remus shrugged. He headed towards the portrait. When he got there he turned, surprised to see Sirius still standing where he left him.

"Come on, you're the one who said it was time."

"I wish you didn't scream."

"What?"

"The transformation."

Remus shook his head slightly, the unjustness of the comment making him wonder if he was hearing things. "You try not screaming."

"You know I would if I could."

"What?" Remus asked again with a frown. He wondered how James always seemed to follow Sirius' strange tangents.

"Take the transformation for you."

"Oh." Remus paused. "I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy."

"Not even Snivellus?"

"Not even your parents."

As Sirius crossed the room, Remus noticed a strange glint in his eye.

"My parents are your worst enemy?"

Remus didn't have a chance to speak before Sirius' lips were on his. It was a light touch at first but enough to startle Remus. He froze, his lips still against Sirius', neither of them deepening the kiss, but neither pulling away.

When Sirius eventually moved away with a slight noise, Remus could do nothing but stare at him, wide eyed and curious. Sirius simply smiled, took his hand and led him out of the portrait hole.

As Sirius had said, James and Peter were waiting for them just by the door to exit the castle. Remus expected Sirius to drop his hand as soon as they saw their friends, but the grip remained confidently firm until Sirius was forced to let go and get under the invisibility cloak.

Once safely in the shack they removed the cloak, and Remus flushed when he saw Sirius was still smiling at him. It was always awkward to undress in front of the others, especially seeing as they lacked the manners to turn away and insisted on chatting to him while he stripped. On the first full moon they had spent together he had kept his underwear on but woken up naked regardless. When no-one had commented he thought it best to strip completely from the start, saving many pairs of underpants from getting shredded.

Today, with the developments with Sirius running through his mind, the task was worse than usual and he felt as if his small frame was taking over the room. He kept his eyes on the floor as he undressed but could sense someone watching him. He was afraid to look and discover whether this person was Sirius, though he was unsure which scenario would make him feel worse.

Once naked, he sunk to the floor, pulling his knees to his chest to keep as much dignity as possible. Sirius came to sit next to him, putting an arm around his bare back and pulling him close. Remus felt Sirius' breath on his ear.

"Afterwards we can talk," he whispered.

Remus didn't know if Sirius was hoping to reassure him but it did the opposite, making him worry about what conversation would hold. He raised his eyebrows, hoping Sirius would expand, but instead he just continued to smile that infuriating yet beautiful smile.

It was the last thing he saw before his limbs began to crack. He screamed as usual, vaguely aware of Sirius' wish for him not to show his pain, but then he fell to the ground, vision blurring, bones on fire, heart racing and the wolf was there.

He awoke to a throbbing body and to find he was curled around a furry black dog. He wiggled his fingers and toes and stretched as far as he could before the pain got too bad. He patted the animal.

"Padfoot. Sirius. Wake up."

The dog turned human and rolled to face him. Sirius clothes were scruffy and hair full of knots but aside from that he looked completely uninjured.

"You okay? Think the wolf was gentle last night."

Remus nodded, grateful of the lack of cuts on his own body. "Blanket."

"Right." Sirius fetched the old piece of material they kept in the shack, but instead of just throwing it over Remus, climbed under the blanket as well.

"Sirius! I'm naked."

"I don't mind."

Remus blushed. "Not here."

"Somewhere else then."

"Sirius-"

"What are you two doing?"

Remus was glad that Peter had disturbed them, and almost as glad that he and James were staring at them with a look of confusion.

"I was cold," Sirius replied, completely unperturbed.

James cleared his throat. "Padfoot, we better go." He glanced towards the door. "See you later, Remus."

The three boys stood up, Sirius last to do so. Just before he left Sirius turned to Remus, smiled again and mouthed the word later.

Remus clutched the blanket tighter and dreaded what would happen.

* * *

><p>As Sirius had pointed out the wolf had been gentle and Remus was allowed to leave the hospital wing later the same day by promising he would stay in bed. He did as instructed thanks to his friends entertaining him in the dormitory rather than the common room.<p>

He was aware of Sirius' eyes on him more than was, in his opinion, necessary, but thankfully he didn't mention anything.

It wasn't until the boys were all in bed and Remus was just drifting off to sleep that he felt the covers lift behind him and the bed sink slightly as someone climbed in.

"I've been thinking," Sirius said. "And I did mean what I said. I like sharing a bed with you."

Remus didn't move, not wanting to face Sirius. "Yeah, it's cosy."

"And I liked it yesterday. When I kissed you."

Remus swallowed, feeling his face flush.

"For fucks sake, Remus. Look at me."

Knowing he could put it off no longer Remus rolled over, but he'd barely got on his side when his lips were captured by Sirius'. Rather than staying still this time, their lips grazed against each others, and then their mouths were open, caressing each others tongues, tasting each other, bodies blending seamlessly so without knowing how it happened Remus had his hands in Sirius' hair and Sirius' hands were drawing lazy circles over his lower back.

"See, it's good."

"Mmm."

They kissed again. It wasn't dissimilar to what Remus had imagined doing with girls, but it was wetter, messier and harder, and he'd never imagined it would be Sirius moaning against him. Sirius pushed him so he rolled onto his back and then Sirius was sitting on his hips, watching him and that smile was back.

"Why?" Remus asked.

"Cos you're nice. You make me feel nice."

"Do I?"

"Of course you do." He paused. "Now you should say something about me."

"I- Yes, well… you're you. That's enough really."

Sirius kissed him again. "That the best compliment I'm going to get?"

Remus gathered his courage and rolled them both over, so he was on top of Sirius and their bodies were pressed against each other. "You're not a bad kisser either, I suppose."

It was unexpected, Remus thought, how it didn't feel weird to kiss his best friend; that neither of them were disgusted by the texture of each other's mouths or put off by the way their bodies were reacting. And it was surprising that as Sirius tugged at his top he wasn't preoccupied by feeling ashamed about the scars on his body, but more interested in undoing the buttons on Sirius' pyjama shirt.

It was a shock when Sirius stopped just before his hands traced Remus' bum and thought to check whether he was okay. Remus considered how nervous he was that he was in the process of revealing to Sirius the way the things they were doing, things meant for doing with girls and not your best friend, made him feel. He considered telling Sirius it was wrong, it would ruin things, they should be with girls, they were moving too fast, far too fast, but he was startled to find the only words that fell out of his mouth were positive.

"I'm okay as long as you're here."

The answer was enough for Sirius, whose hands finally worked their way beneath Remus' trousers. "I'll always be here."

Remus exhaled deeply, planting a sloppy kiss on Sirius and trailing his hands down his friend's body, only stopping to pay particular attention to his nipples and gently trace the remains of the wound on his side. They were both groaning against each other, and Remus knew that he should be embarrassed by the noises he was making, but Sirius was louder and more frantic, and this was no time for worrying.

Remus' hands made their way to Sirius' trousers.

"Can I?"

"Be my guest."

He pushed the material down Sirius' legs, at first taking care to keep his eyes on Sirius face and nothing else, but the other boy's expression was full of lust and it made him feel braver. Just as he was considering touching his friend he was flipped onto his back again and Sirius was removing his clothes for him, stroking wherever he could, lacking the modesty and hesitance that Remus' felt.

Once both naked and wrapped around each other Remus' mind was elsewhere than on the extraordinary turn of the evening. In fact, aside from thinking about Sirius' writhing body and how good it felt, he had just about stopped thinking at all.


	5. Could it be so simple?

**Time for the final part! Massive thanks to everyone who has read/reviewed/alerted/favourited :)**

**5.**

Sirius felt strange when he woke. His own limbs being tangled around somebody else's wasn't that unusual; he was a fidget while he slept and it was a good job that Remus, on the nights they shared a bed, seemed to have a special ability to adjust to whichever new position he would roll in to. But today things were different. As well as being intertwined they were both completely naked.

He bit his lip to try and stop the grin spreading over his face. It had been sudden, last night. Despite the fact it had been what he'd wanted to happen he had never thought Remus would go along with it. Remus, who never talked about sex and blushed over anything crude, had been rolling around with him, crashing their lips together and gasping for breath.

"Sirius?"

For a split second Sirius thought Remus had awoken but then the identity of the voice became clear. He panicked, looking around frantically at his scattered clothes, wondering if he had time to pull on some trousers and make Remus decent too. But then James' head had poked around the curtain and was gawping at the boy's exposed chests and the heap of clothes by the foot of the bed.

"What the fuck?"

Sirius felt Remus stir beside him, then freeze. He looked to him and knew from the wide eyed expression that he would have to be the one who replied. James was his best friend, his brother, but he had no idea how he would react to find what had happened between the two of them the night before. He'd already hurt him once recently when he had denied their sibling-like relationship in an emotional outburst, and didn't want to risk losing James again.

"What? Nothing happened."

"You just decided to sleep naked, did you? You're shagging."

"No, we-" Struggling to decide whether to deny everything or explain and hope for the best, Sirius looked to Remus for help. As he turned he witnessed a glint in Remus' eyes, a combination between anger and confusion. He felt his chest tighten and hastily replayed his last few words. Nothing that bad.

"Are you two gay?" James asked.

"No."

It was an automatic response but Sirius felt Remus tense beside him and he knew it had been the wrong answer, at least in the eyes of one of his friends. Did that mean Remus was gay then? And where would that leave him?

"I don't _mind_, just-"

"Leave it, Prongs."

Sirius grabbed some clothes from the end of the bed, not caring whether they were his or Remus' and climbed out of bed, holding the material in front of him, hoping to protect his dignity. Once on his own bed he snatched the curtain and drew it around him. He sat, not bothering to dress, glaring in James' direction.

After a while he heard a door slam. Thankful he would soon be able to climb back into Remus' bed and hopefully steal another kiss, he quickly pulled some trousers on and headed back out. However, Remus' bed was empty, and the one person left in the room was James.

"You upset Moony."

"What, why?"

"Cos you denied everything." James folded his arms. "He told me what happened."

"I didn't hear."

"Silencing charms... And I think last night demonstrated that I'm not the only one making use of them."

Sirius avoided James' eyes. He wanted to run after Remus, to make everything okay, but then James was at his side, forcing him to sit down, and taking a seat by him.

"Padfoot, weren't you meant to be the naturally charming one? If you kiss someone – or whatever else you were doing, don't tell me – you do not deny it the next day."

"So you don't mind?"

"_I _don't mind. Bit weird, but this is you we're talking about. Moony minds though."

Although relieved that James wasn't about to hit him, or worse, ditch him, Sirius was now able to turn his full attention to Remus. He felt sick. "Do you think he likes me?"

"Remus doesn't do… stuff with people he doesn't like."

"Shit."

"You do like him, yeah?"

"Yes. _Yes_, of course I do."

"Then go find him," James said. He rummaged through Sirius' drawer, pulling out a creased shirt and handing it to him. "Idiot."

* * *

><p>Sirius saw Remus in the distance, hunched against a tree. The boy was staring out over the lake towards the direction of the Whomping Willow and Sirius was grateful that this gave him the opportunity to approach slowly, planning the apology he was going to make and imaging the make-up kiss.<p>

He sat down next to Remus and nudged his shoulder gently. "Hey."

Remus sighed and continued looking straight ahead. "Last night. We shouldn't have... you know-"

"Why not?"

"Because you're my friend."

Remus finally turned to him and Sirius could see that his eyes, though dry as always, were sad and resigned.

"You're my best friend," Remus continued, "but that's as far as it should go."

"Cos we're boys?"

"I don't know. But you're clearly not comfortable with that."

"Says who?"

"Says you. You told Prongs nothing happened."

"I didn't want him to flip. I thought it would freak him out."

They fell into silence and as waited for a response, Sirius' gaze joined Remus' at the trunk of the Whomping Willow, the totem of so many of their adventures. While it would be hard to take if Remus was serious in wanting nothing further, Sirius realised how much worse it would be if they couldn't even be friends. He needed Remus there. They looked after each other much more mutually and instinctively than the other boys but it was more than just that; something which he couldn't yet put his finger upon.

"Has it freaked you out?"

"No," Sirius replied. "It was _me _who kissed _you_, remember?"

"But everything else as well. I thought you liked girls."

"I like you more." It was only as Sirius spoke the words that they truly registered. He was certain he meant them. It was only ever Remus that could keep his attention in that special way.

"Because I'm nice," Remus said, repeating the previous night's sentiments blandly.

"More than that-"

"I could hurt you. I don't know how the wolf would react. Then if we, you know, stopped – what then?"

"We wouldn't stop."

"Sirius, you can't guarantee-"

"And as for now," Sirius said loudly, interrupting Remus' carefully thought through logic. "The wolf isn't going to hurt me if we're together. Even if he did, I don't care. I think this summer proved I can handle it."

"You shouldn't _have_ to handle it."

"Just as you shouldn't use being a werewolf as an excuse to stop something that would make you happy."

"That's ridiculous," Remus said.

"Then why else won't you be with me."

Remus laughed humorously. "Only you could be that arrogant. Maybe I just don't like you that way."

Sirius' stomach churned but he ignored the uncertainties and replied with bravado. "You _do _like me though don't you?" He remembered James' words. "You wouldn't have let last night happen if you didn't."

"So you're able to sleep around, no strings attached, but it would be unheard of for me to do the same?"

"With me, yeah. And actually I don't sleep around." Sirius picked at the grass. "Look. Last night was a first for me too. I hadn't, you know, done _that _before."

"With a man?"

"With anyone."

Remus blushed. "Oh."

"Because I like you. And you like me."

Remus sighed again, deeper this time "If your family found out, though." He paused. "I couldn't cope with nearly losing you like I did this summer."

Sirius suddenly felt tearful. They hadn't properly discussed the attack and while it made him feel ashamed for letting himself get injured, not to mention his humiliating breakdown, he knew how much Remus worried about him. He hated that Remus knew the extent of what he went through.

"They're not my family. You three are all I need. _You _are all I need."

"Sirius-"

"We can take it slow from now on; it doesn't have to be like last night, if that put you off."

"Sirius-"

"It's just – I do really like you."

"I know! I like you too."

"You do?" Sirius paused, then after a surprised few seconds his face broke into a cheeky smile. "I knew it."

"Shut up."

"Make me."

With that, just as Sirius hoped, Remus leant over and touched their lips together. Eagerly, Sirius ran his fingers through his friend's hair, gently keeping their heads together in the process.

Now that they weren't acting purely on lust he could tell that sometimes the touch of their tongues was clumsy, that Remus hadn't had chance to brush his teeth since last night and that the damp of the ground was beginning to seep through his trousers, but it was still the best kiss he'd had.

He moved the arm he was leaning on to wrap it around Remus' waist, but the action caused him to fall backwards, Remus landing on top. They started at each other, wide eyed and grinning.

"So we're together now, are we? You're sure?"

"Never been surer."


End file.
